In the most recent Seattle Intensive (Actorswork) workshop, we were asked to name a fear we hold about acting. Instantly, I thought of some of the risks within film work, such as:
All valid. I battle all of these. But this time, my greatest fear wasn’t “bad” characters or villains or challenging roles or editors I don’t trust… My biggest fear was “acting as commerce.”
My greatest fear may baffle most actors: acting for money. Specifically, I mean having to take a job I’d otherwise pass on, just for the paycheck.
I recently read about an actor who takes his roles based on whether or not healthcare is provided. He may have been a tad tongue-in-cheek but there’s still truth at the core. This discussion isn’t the merits healthcare, it’s why we act.
Acting for me is completely different from a “job.” When I sign on, I want it to be with a mixture of joy and terror, the inward tug of knowing I’m beginning an adventure. And I want it to pay, don’t misunderstand me! But I don’t want a paying gig first, and a compelling gig second. As Amy Poehler hinted during the Golden Globes …
Heh.
The journey has highs and lows. You’ll be swamped with work one month, and then you’ll realize a certain casting director hasn’t asked for you in a year (gulp – true story). Sometimes you have to take jobs that aren’t exactly winning material – that dry teleprompter-laden training video, for example. Or heck, a national commercial (!) for fast food that you loathe, but it pays your rent for a year.
I just know that I’m an actor because I’m a compassionate, emotional individual who loves to connect deeply. I want that to always be the driving force behind why I take (or don’t take) an acting gig. Most importantly, I need to trust that as long as I am true to myself, the right gigs will continue to find me.
This weekend I galivanted, played, cried, explored, failed, joyed, thrilled, danced, derobed, and foolished in Gary Austin‘s ever-amazing improv workshop.
In the rare moments I wasn’t on my feet, I had the opportunity to furiously tap out a few notes onto my phone, to share with you today.
An attitude I’ve held is evolving.
I used to cheerfully describe myself as “a physical coward,” to excuse myself from working out, working hard, getting out of breath.
Stay with me, this isn’t (just) a fitness post.
This morning in a hybrid spin-rowing class, I reached my inner limits twice, and kept going. Not prettily, but without stopping. I hated it, but I loved it, and I’ll do it again. My trainer, Jenn, cautiously told me early this month that she noticed I was happier after a more challenging workout. I was a little surprised to hear it – I assumed paddling in the shallows would make me happier! But she pointed it out to me, after months of working together, and it’s true. Now I’m actively embracing it.
Here’s my zen moment where it all comes together.
After this morning’s efforts, I realized that some people (myself included) may only see a surface quest to lose weight, and miss the deeper mission. It’s about matching wits with your brain. It’s about pushing through the conversations in our head about can’t. It’s about sacrificing your comfort zone for one hour, to reach goals you never could before.
As Jenn says, To achieve something you never had, you have to do something you never did. This applies to everything in our lives. When I’m burning, aching, sweating, shaking in that workout, I’m not joyfully thinking “Yeah! I’m gonna be soooooooooo skinny omg!” I’m hating every heartbeat but I’m digging deep into my gut, the place that Kipling defines as your own will. I’m staying with the discomfort instead of literally throwing in the towel.
Sure, hopefully a better body will be one nice result, but I’m actually learning about perseverance, will, drive, personal choice, personal power. I’m learning about the struggle – and how to go into it.
It’s a question we face constantly: To evolve through the challenges or stay comfortable. To take a risk or remain safe in a rut. Nor is it a one time decision, it’s week to week, day to day, and then minute to minute when you find yourself cursing that you ever thought a spin class/Excel tutorial/learning to weld was a good idea.
If I I can’t push my limits for one hour in a gym, how am I going to push my limits in my art? In my career? As with everything we really love, you’ve got to embrace the process as much as (or even more than) the result.
I like this evolution.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 17,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals
Richard Dreyfuss (Photo credit: Scott Beale)
Can’t go wrong with this simple wisdom from Richard Dreyfuss:
Always be acting. whether you have to pay for the privilege in class or r on Broadway RT @theewonderfan what’s ur best advice for an actor?
— Richard Dreyfuss (@RichardDreyfuss) October 11, 2012
From an incredible lecture by Alan Watts: What if money were no object?
Thanks to Joke & Biagio for the link!
Do me a favor. Just keep telling me that.
Yesterday I did measurements with Jenn, the first time since I started working out with her in August 18. Less than 3 months later, I’ve lost over 3.6% body fat, and 15″ total from my frame! Take a look!
I’m enormously encouraged between these measurements and the “jeans test” (I’m down a size!) I don’t own a scale so the real proof is in how I feel – which is amazing.
I’m now in the fitness zone for bodyfat, and I’m headed to athlete for Ashland! (By the way, this is the last day to get into Jenn’s For the Glow community as a lifetime member – just like yours truly).
If you’re thinking of New Year’s goals, my advice for you is to start now – start today. You’re worth it, and you can do it! Cute butt, here we come. 
