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Starting at the beginning

A very good place to start! But perhaps I took this innocent lyric a little too seriously. I’ve always felt like to do anything successfully, you must start at the very beginning — literally. I’m the person who unfolds the steps and reads through them twice before assembling anything from Ikea (also because I’m awful at it and I’m desperate to not have to take it apart and reassemble it – reading the steps works about half the time here, let’s be honest I’m this is about self-preservation).

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Hello Again.

I’ve been largely off the grid (for me, at least) for quite some time. Oh, I’m still as big of a social media addict as ever, but my creation and personal sharing quieted. It took me some time, but I’m back, and I feel fierce and excited about that.

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Inspiration: What Do I Desire?

From an incredible lecture by Alan Watts: What if money were no object?

Thanks to Joke & Biagio for the link!

50 First Breaks

“I’ve surrendered the idea that I need one big break; I need twenty.”

I tweeted that thought out a few weeks ago. The “just one more…just one more….” slot machine mentality is just not true. That epiphany is being hammered home to me this week.

I hoped, I prayed, that the audition for Diverse Talent Group would be that Big Break. The elusive white whale of acting. The prize to put on the mantle. It wasn’t. I didn’t get it. They were incredibly nice and encouraging to all the auditioners and the whole experience was great, but in the end they picked someone else. Even as that throb in my heart told me “you’re not it” when I my inbox chimed that a new email from Breakthrough Star arrived, I still held onto hope. Because of that hope, I shed some hot, angry tears and was heartbroken for a good couple of hours. I was ready to risk so much for them – even moving to L.A – and they weren’t ready to risk anything on me.

I think my audition is damn good. What do you think?

But the lesson got me thinking that a career eventually has a tipping point. Like a Kickstarter campaign that snowballs, or the point when you give in and buy four boxes of Girl Scout cookies instead of two (because who buys just one?!), there’s a point where the future has been weighted in your favor by all the work you’ve accomplished in your past: 50 first breaks.

No career is an overnight sensation. Careers may come to the attention of the rest of the public seemingly overnight, but everyone has put their time, reputation, and sweat on the line to build up their trajectory one project at a time – a trajectory they keep aimed at the stars.

I’m pretty stubborn; sometimes I’ll keep at acting just because an entity like DTG seems to tell me “you can’t.” In your perseverance you will claim your reward. On the same day that DTG turned me down, I won an award, 3rd place for Outstanding Achievement in Filmmaking for Connect To from a film festival. The next day, we won a silver award for it’s score from a different festival. Perhaps these accolades are building to an unseen tipping point…the break.

How's that for a paperweight!

A few days later, a webseries I worked on for free all summer in a hot, airless greenscreen room, The Adventures of Chadwick Periwinkle, finally debuted on the intarwebs. It’s pointedly irreverent and gambles on its own rebellion that you’ll want to see more. It’s terrible, and I’m delighted by it! Maybe this is my break….

My next possible break is the amazing opportunity to be a guest on a radio show and podcast I idolize, Film Courage – and I would ask for your vote to help me do just that, by leaving a comment here.

Would that be break # 49, or 19? Who knows! The point is to stop counting and keep creating.

Do the work. God’s counting. Our break is coming.


If you liked this article, tweet it out in pithy chunks!

“Surrender the idea you need one break: You need 50!”

“Your future is weighted in your favor by your past work.”

“No career is an overnight sensation; keep your trajectory aimed at the stars.”

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